Have It All?

Can I really have it all?  As the primary breadwinner and mom to two young boys, I ask myself this question quite often.  Is there a way to have a promising career, a fulfilling relationship with my husband and oh, by the way, raise my boys to be happy, healthy and well adjusted?  Not to mention maintaining my faith, sanity and sense of self?  Last week, I was not so sure.

My husband is a wonderful, involved father.  I am happy to say that there are no childcare duties that fall exclusively on either of our shoulders.  We are team.  So, when I needed to work a LOT of extra hours at my job last week, my hubby took on the roll of single dad.  As I worked late into the night for multiple nights in a row, he took on all household and childcare responsibilities.

The previous week, I became the proud owner of a new lavender RAZR cell phone.  Being a newbie to texting, I have been completely enamored with sending text messages to my husband during our work day.  I was super excited along with texting to learn how to take and send a picture with my new phone.  Texting has been a nice way for us to keep in touch during the day without lengthy conversations taking us both away from our work.

As I worked one night last week, I decided to take a picture of myself sitting at my desk.  I posed with a sad, long puppy dog face and added the text “sad face” to the bottom of my photo before sending it along to my husband.  I was so proud of myself.  I actually sent a photo; I had arrived at the cutting edge of technology!  I then patted myself on the back for my great sense of humor.  Surely he would think it funny to see my pitiful face sitting at my desk while he was hanging out at home.

Moments later, the telltale “ding” let me know that I had an incoming message.  I eagerly opened the message from my husband to find a photo of my two boys, smiling and having fun during bath time.  “Hi Mommy!” was the text below the photo.  Seeing their happy faces made my heart smile and then broke my heart in the very next moment.

What did it say about my priorities when the only way I communicated with my children that evening was via text messaging?  Am I lying to myself when I expect to be able to balance career and family and do a good job at both of these important things in my life?  Quite honestly, lately, I’ve been feeling my career gets all the best I have to offer and my family gets the leftovers.  I know how my oldest son feels about leftovers, so this is not a good place for his mom to be.

I don’t have all the answers to my tough questions.  I have some days when I feel like superwoman, but there are days when I just feel exhausted and unable to do any of it very well.  I do know that I have an obligation to be present and engaged in my children’s lives, not only for their sake, but for mine as well.  

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