Mama’s Boy

I am a mother of two boys. I’m the only female in my home, in fact. And I like it that way. From the moment I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son, Will, I knew I would have a boy. Somewhere deep in my heart, I think I also knew I would have only boys. When women find out I have two boys, they often reply with, “Boys sure do love their mamas.” I never really understood what that meant, but I think I’m starting to.

I had Will shopping with me one day last year. I was trying on dresses when he looked up from his stroller and said, almost in slow motion, “Mommy, you look beautiful.” I almost started sobbing right there in the dressing room. I would have bought that dress immediately… but it was very low-cut, and my boobs were hanging out. Boys! On another night, Will and I were leaving from an ice cream date, and as I got in the driver’s seat, he said, “Mama?” I looked back to him. “You. Are. Amazing.” How does life get better than that?  

Will is three now, and our youngest son, Cy, is nine months. They love their daddy a lot, but my relationship with them is different. I’m the nurturer, as most moms are, and that makes a difference. There’s nothing Will loves more than a good wrestle with Dad, but I’m the one he calls when he’s hurt or scared. I’m the one he wants to snuggle with first thing in the morning. I’m the one who kisses the boo-boos and wipes away the tears. It’s good to be needed, and therein lies the problem.

An educator told me on the phone this week that Will doesn’t need me as much as I think he does. As much as I wanted to be offended and hang up on her, I couldn’t. I knew she was right. He doesn’t need me as much as I’d like for him to, and he needs me less by the day. I don’t really care for that process.

I want my boys to be independent. I don’t want to raise mama’s boys, or do I? As they get older, the last thing I want is for them to be dependent, needy, and insecure men. If I’m honest, though, there’s a part of me that loves to be needed. There’s an obvious difference in that need at age three and age twenty- three, but when does the letting go begin? Do I have to start now? Do I really have to start letting Will, encouraging him even, to become his own person, independent from me? I think I do, but I wish it wasn’t so hard.  

Being the only girl in the house has its downfalls, as I’m sure anyone with an imagination could come up with. It also has a great advantage. I get to be loved and cherished not only by my husband, but by my two sons as well. The balance comes in realizing that the euphoric feelings of being adored by my boys must come in a distant second to the independence and well-being of my sons.

I heard someone once say, “From the day our children are born, we have to begin letting go of them.” I know that’s true. I just don’t really want to.

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